Sometimes I feel inspired to do some writing. The following are years of writing done in two short bursts separated by a decade. At the time I thought of them as songs with a chorus (italics), but they read like poems as well. Feel free to interpret them how you prefer.

A New Horizon

I wrote this collection during the second half of 2008 while finishing a fall semester of college.

Shell Shocked — August 26th, 2008

I lie and grin trying to find myself again

Lost and insecure, committing varied sins

Always trying to be something I'm not

Dream and scheme, fabricate a plot

Tortured by a long transition

How did I get in this position

I'm a fast thinker who anticipates

Preempt the conversation on every date

I can hardly believe this is me

My future's uncertain and in jeopardy

Where do you turn when there's nowhere to hide

I feign instead of face the pain inside

I'm shell-shocked torn and surprised

For my transgressions I indemnify

Underachiever turned believer in my life

The future changes for me tonight!

Genius August 27th, 2008

Travel to the top of a skyscraper

Realized blueprints transformed from paper

Somewhere among us there walks a creator

Someone to enhance our lives, an innovator

Like a sinusoidal cosine

Periods of genius repeat in time

Their elusive thoughts escape most minds

To have that insight would be sublime

Enter a room and flip a light switch

An idea's been summoned from respite

Someone among us is meant to inspire

Someone profound we can admire

Use a cell phone and chat a bit

Satellites traverse an ellipse in orbit

Somewhere among us there's a prodigy

Someone who's alone, an oddity

There's some genius in us all

Sometimes we succeed, other times we fall

But there exists a rare few

Who comprehend more than we do

Their genius will trump you and me

It can't escape its destiny ...

Save a recluse — September 3rd, 2008

Sitting quietly in an open space

Gazing upon a garden out of place

People post flyers trying to connect

I'm still alone and a hopeless wreck

The solitude has made me uneasy

I regret putting people beneath me

I want to meet someone

I want to have some fun

It can last one night or for life if it's right

I'm getting bored with myself

I want to rejoice in somebody else

Rejoice in somebody else

Perched above the masses below

I can pass judgment and turn shallow

My outlook's become skewed

My perception of people so screwed

Be it friend, foe, mentor or aide

Let's get together and promenade

I used to socialize and thrive but I gave it up

Solve your own problems I've heard enough

Turned full circle to a new understanding

I'm tired ... I'm done, enough with the damning

So let's hit the pub to drink and get loose

Share some of your soul, save a recluse

Heart's a Fiend — August 29th, 2008

Your beauty and grace

It's heaven to behold

As you walk at an angel's pace

You're much too hard to ignore

You touch me like no one before

Oh if I could hold you tight

To look in your eyes

And know the feelings right

I wonder if it's meant to be

At times I sit and dream

That one day you'll be with me

For now your love's unseen ...

For now my heart's a fiend

Since you told me no

I've tried to let go

But for you and only you

There's no limit to the lengths I'll go

To express these feelings I have to show

There's no way for me to say

How I feel in this moment

And every single day

For now my feelings reside

Deep down, and trapped inside

Ego — September 5th, 2008

On a regular basis I get the look

It's an open invitation

To use a clever line

And nullify masturbation

I want a blonde-haired, blue-eyed honey

To complement my style

And laugh when I'm funny

Stay by my side when I'm down and low

I'll find solace in the seeds we sow

Don't notice looks from other girls

I'm too lost inside your world

Usually I don't even care

But then once in a while

I'll respond to her stare

And look back with a smile

I'm an object of affection

Beautiful girls look in my direction

From the outside they like what they see

Approach then, and know the better part of me

Tortured Friendship — September 12th, 2008

Our life as roommates doesn't fit

There's tension over our past

Put simply without bombast

We have a tortured friendship

Please don't get me wrong

I'd value a true friendship

But not "fuck you, fuck this"

We just can't seem to get along

You know the relationship ended

So when I see other girls

Don't get upended

You know the relationship ended

So when I ask you to leave

Don't get offended

Sometimes it seems possible

I almost think we can do it

Then you speak out illogical

O.C.D. should have knew it

Vying for love unreciprocated

And secret wishes intimated

Roommates with a tortured friendship

Our bad karma must have sent it

Come My Way — September 17th, 2008

When is love going to come my way

You're a stranger I think of every day

One good man with an open heart

My cynicism is tearing it apart

Only dreams conjure your essence

Hold my hand and give me a kiss

Fight your evanescence

Grant my heart this one last wish

I just want to know who you are

So we can start our life together

My better half I'll love you forever

I just want to find you

And look in your eyes

To see the surprise

Of finding me too

I just want to find you

So I can be complete

And bring you relief

By finding me too

Tedium — September 25th, 2008

I'm living far removed from dreams

My life has been misplaced

Let's rendezvous at a foreign place

So our lives can be exchanged

Your's for mine

And destiny can get it right this time

I'm buried by life's cruel monotony

Selfish routine piled on top of me

I want to scream just to feel alive

Don't you live before you die!?

Real life resides somewhere higher

On top of mountains and under fire

When I close my eyes and reflect

That life and mine finally connect

On the train, then off the train

A combination that drains

Trapped by a daily commute

Weary souls mix and dilute

I feel my life slipping away

What's the point of today

If it feels more like tomorrow

Your excitement for my sorrow

A pigeon perched high above

While men in suits discuss love

I've seen this all before

My life's routine is just a bore

Foreign Immersion — September 27th, 2008

I want to lie out on the beach

And let the sun shine on my face

Then surf the waves before I swim beneath

To resurface with a woman at my place

Immerse ourselves in another culture

Come with me to see the exotic

And together our spirits we can nurture

Over foreign elixirs that transcend hypnotic

I want it; I need it — this taste of freedom

To stop the inside bleeding

Give me something more, show me a world

Where passions ignite, dreams do take flight

And the man on the corner doesn't exist

Just sunrise on the horizon

In the morning as I'm rising

From a night of orgasmic bliss

Whether it be Mexico or somewhere I don't know

It doesn't matter I just want to go

To places I've never seen before

And find a girl that I adore ...

Volume Oneself

This collection was written during the most challenging time of my life. I was in my late teens / early twenties and living alone without a clue.

Second Time Around — May, 1998

He saw her coming, it was from straight ahead

Oh what a woman

It was only time before she was in his bed

Second time around

He knew he was the man around town

They were doing things like never before

And making sounds, especially

The second time around

What else could there be

Nothing left to satisfy his needs

Conversation, sexual orientation, masturbation ...

He had mastered female exploitation

Looking in the mirror

Was never expecting it to be

Remembering the days long gone, thinking alone

What has my ignorance dealt me

Second time around

Love was nowhere to be found

If he could do it all over again, he'd be a real man, during

The second time around

Subatomic What — May, 1998

Like a proton spinning out of control

I'm crashing against the force

You'll see me falling out the door

Too many down the hatch to drive the Porsche

Like an atom bomb going off

I'm about to explode

So many people are around

Particles and moving energy how profound

Subatomic what

Subatomic what

Pass the tonic and shut up

Subatomic what

Like a neutron pulled by gravity I'm getting sucked in

It's no dream just a hopeless scheme

Anybody else want a shot at me

Primate — May, 1998

What is it that makes us do the things we do

So often asked but most of us have no clue

From them to us, primitive to new

From Lucy to Marilyn Monroe

We did away with stone for computer download

We're moving too fast as if you didn't know

Take it slow, take it slow

Thunder roars lightning strikes, it's coming

The bones are laughing at us

No need to bother running

New York city lights, airplane flights

Music videos and midnight late shows

A world acting like we didn't come from here

How long before we live up there

Abused Man — May 31st, 1998

The suns coming up and lights shining through

It's heading for my face, I don't even move

What's the use

I'm use to the abuse

I get so aggravated

I know that I am hated

Don't even wish me a belated

Damn I feel so degraded

At my shit job again

The garbage stinks and the clock is dead I think

I could bear it and grin

What's the use

I'm use to the abuse

Driving home through traffic

A lane opens to my right

I hesitate, damn it's too late

My life's a sorry plight

What's the use

I'm use to the abuse

I'm an abused man, I have no real plan, I'm just an abused man

Just a Thought — June 2rd, 1998

Mother nature is never predictable

Sometimes you could say life is dull

We taste the good Lord on Sunday

I hate roads that only go one way

So I keep things to myself

As the seasons change with time

I know I'm like everyone else

We all like songs that rhyme

Ones that stay in the mind

Ultraviolet light is out of normal sight

Could there really be a God

And if so does he sleep at night

I want a woman with one hell of a bod'

Does anybody have the right to judge

Who says when to pull the plug

Women shouldn't pick up hitchhikers

And that Oprah, I don't really like her

An American War — June 3rd, 1998

The smell of death was strong in the air

Bullets were flying not far from here

In pursuit of the enemy

Strangers on foreign land, in need of a remedy

Who will die for their country

Holding their ground, trembling with fear

Waiting to come home to whom they hold dear

We've seen this before

It's an American war, an American war

The battle is ending it's almost won

Fighting with courage and strength, our side will never run

We've seen this before

It's an American war, an American war

Like a heavy snowstorm crossfire filled the air

We raped the enemy until she was dead and bare

Red, white, and blue was full of pride

Men keep up the attack with a confident stride

This is the darkest side of man

The front line is holding strong

The sun should be up before long

Surrounded by death

He asked him to stay by his side till his final breath

Can God be found in such a place

Living a Nightmare — June 3rd, 1998

He would tear his eyes from his skull

Run wild in the nude to be like you

Are burning his intestines logical

Living far from normal

He was born with no internals

His heartbeat stopped at birth

Living like a walking nightmare

That must be hard to bear

No one cared he lived a nightmare

Living like a walking nightmare

Not a single hair on his body

He was born like no other

Some say the devil was his mother

Invasion — June 4th, 1998

He's the man that was gonna die

He's the man that had E. Coli

I'm afraid to breathe anymore

Wouldn't dare share a Coca-Cola

I'm too terrifed of Ebola

Will we ever find an answer

Her baby daughter was cursed with cancer

How many of us live with a virus

AIDS is a worldwide epidemic

Somebody better think quick

We're being invaded

Soon Homo Sapiens will be outdated

It's the microscopic world

The diagnosis is in

We're plagued, it's us they live within

We've been infected

There's a small African village in hysteria

The mosquito has arrived that carries malaria

Hopefully we rise to the occasion

Beware the world of minute measure

They've started their invasion

X-Rays — June 5th, 1998

Can I be seen through

Are the ideas in my head easily seen by you

Am I being X-rayed

Am I becoming invisible

How is it that you know I feel miserable

What's up with me today

I don't want to be on display

I don't want to be X-rayed

I feel awkward and strange today

Get me out from under the X-ray

It shouldn't be used that way

What else will man invent to get paid

The future world is coming

Are we that blind to the truth

It can't be stopped so what's the use

Some other worlds use X-rays

His skeleton was in full view

They had more in mind than collecting dues

They had control of the X-ray

Today a genius will be born

Years after Jesus wore a crown of thorns

Ask him the secrets of X-rays

Tonight — June 7th, 1998

Tonight I'm gonna get so high

I don't even want to know who I am

Then I can be somebody else

Maybe I'll cough up phlegm

Tonight I'm gonna fall in love

I wonder who she'll be

If she's not the right one for me

I'll still get a taste of her pu--!y

Tonight I'm gonna be reborn

I'll eat through my umbilical cord

This time I'm gonna be a girl

And my bio mother a whore

Tonight I'll travel to the moon

I'm going to a new dimension

Maybe I'll fall into a black hole

And see things beyond comprehension

I've so much to do before I run out of time

What a disaster if I woke up blind

Too much to do before I run out of time

What a disaster if I lost my mind

Life of a Man — June 14th, 1998

Fully loaded fridge stacked with beer

This was the thought on his mind with no other care

The sun was shining, sky was clear

The weekend was here

Parked next to him at the light she was quite a sight

Could there be sex in store for him tonight

Only time could tell

He'd give it a shot, what the hell

Alone in his world, he had no fear

Turning the channels and downing the beer

Work was work, play was play

He needed a woman who saw things his way

His hands were rough and his nails dirty

Showing signs of baldness at the age of thirty

Never show the world your tears

Protect and serve with no fears

Provide for your family as planned

Live the life of a man

Working for a real asshole trying to move up in life

Vacation time couldn't come soon enough

Dad taught him to gut fish with his knife

Divorced and on his second marriage

His baby girl was sleeping in her carriage

No longer did he search for other women

Just lost the desire

He's a family man and stopped being a liar

Star Gazer — July 5th, 1998

Possibilities of alien life

It kept his mind in constant strife

He would be there for the midnight flight

He proclaimed, the universe entropy

It cannot stop me

Bound for a crash course in reality

He was confined to only visions in his mind

To earth he was contained

Where to put the blame

His meager human brain

Who will miss him

He's off to a new solar system

The journey is on

He travels far and beyond

Gazing at the heavens since childhood

Up there he'll finally be understood

I am what I am

I've dreamt of little green men

I am a stargazer

Beware my Vulcan triple-beam laser

Rhetoric — July 11th, 1998

So many lines had been written

Shared thoughts were ruled forbidden

And I could give a damn

As if it really matters

Prepared platters thrown through windows shatter

Discrepancies unfold between young and old

Don't scream your nonsense over here

Dissected mind, rhetoric written in rhyme

Making sense of this will be hard fought

So I won't give it too much thought

Give me room to breathe

I need to be alive please

Am I worthlessness gone amiss

Brain outbursts are running dry

My inspirations soon will die

It all had been thought up

Children do wrong children get caught up

Its all gone to waste

Long lost visions will be misplaced

This rhetoric of mind

Will it be valued in time

To each his own

And to the king his goddamn throne

For Trisha

My love, now and forever. I only regret that it took us so long to find each other.

Trisha enjoying crab

Unspoken — June 1st, 2012

Our love lives through and through

Spoken by me and shown by you

Seas of silence keep a love at bay

Your smile makes my heart obey

Unspoken but true

The love I feel from you

Unspoken but real

The love you make me feel

Love that strays amiss

Blossoms when the unspoken passes your lips

Our love stands on its own

Shared by two and never left alone

Love more precious than a rare token

Still waiting for the unspoken

[chorus]

With you I'm fully enchanted

I'll never take you for granted

Our love is unspoken and once fully awoken

Is not to be supplanted

[chorus]

Now silence ...